I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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