Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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