Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
