Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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