i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
