The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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