So drunk its hurt
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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