How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
