i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
