Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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