all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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