$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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