david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
