So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
