literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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