I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
