You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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