We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
