There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
