My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
