Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
