New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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