I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
