I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
