youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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