What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
