The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
