remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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