This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
