I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize