white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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