Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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