how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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