I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
