i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
