i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
