she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
