Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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