Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
