ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You can't motorboat a personality
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
