There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
