WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
