When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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