I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
