Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
