I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
