If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
where am i from again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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