Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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