i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
