I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Randomize
