I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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