My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
