Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize