apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
