I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
