Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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