sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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