i wish peter jackson would direct porn
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
