Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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