u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
