It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
