he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
