is your mom at the bar?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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