So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
