Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize