Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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