Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
