I hate all girls vehemently.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
