Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
