what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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