i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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