watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
