i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
