Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
