Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
